Sept 4: I am a rock

Is it easy for you to ask for help when you need it, or do you prefer to rely only on yourself? Why?

I am definitely a rock. I have always been independent, so I hate relying on other people for anything. I just hate the feeling of bothering someone no matter how big or small of an inconvenience it is. If I can do it by myself or solve the problem on my own, then I would make sure that I manage that first before asking somebody for help. If it has gotten to that point, then I have accepted to myself that nah, I can’t handle this.

But I guess it really depends on the situation. For example, at work, you’re not going to know everything, and of course, the first step is to try and figure it out on your own, but sometimes, you need guidance or assurance that you’re doing the right thing. So in that case, I do ask for help. There are moments that you can’t just wing it because there might be repercussions and it can cause more problems.

But one thing I really have a hard time asking for help on is money. Ever since I started working 15 years ago, I have never relied on anyone when it comes to finances. There are times that I have been in between jobs and my savings have been depleted and I definitely needed money for our everyday expenses. In the past, I have resorted to pawning some of my belongings (and then getting them back once I have the money), signing up for those lending apps with high interest rates, loaning from the bank, etc. It’s so weird that I’m more willing to get these “help” from strangers rather than asking a friend or a family member. I guess I have too much pride as well.

I guess another reason it’s hard for me to ask for help is that I feel like there is no one else I can depend on but me. I have been disappointed in other people so many times before so I feel like I have been burnt and I really don’t want to go through a few more experiences like that. If you don’t have expectations on other people, then you won’t get disappointed. I’d rather lift myself up and get stronger while doing so, rather than expect other people to do that for me and then just feel sorry for myself if I don’t get what I was expecting.

Inspired by this ebook, β€œ365 Days of Writing Prompts” posted here.

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